You Can Never Hold Back Fall
by CanIsay
Summary: Sometimes winning doesn't feel like a victory.


**You Can Never Hold Back Fall  
-**  
**-**

She finds the Huntsman after the ceremony. Snow follows him onto a forgotten balcony (would follow him anywhere at all).

"Your majesty," he says, but the words stick in his throat.

Snow looks away, "You don't have to call me that." She spent years dreaming about this moment but has trouble defining herself without locked doors and steel bars. "Or have you already forgotten that you helped restore me to my place?"

"Did I?" There is laughter in his eyes. What she would do to keep it there. But the laughter leaves as quickly as it came.

(And oh, how she wants to save him like he saved her)

She stretches out the silence because she knows what comes next. She may be young, but she is far from stupid, and the look in the Huntsman's eyes tells her everything she needs to know, even if she doesn't want to know any of it at all.

The Huntsman doesn't let them go on living in the silence. "There is no place for me in a castle," he says. There is a certainty in his voice that can break her.

_Let me guide you through this darkness_, she wants to offer. Instead, she places a pale hand upon his. "You have a place with me," she whispers. (But she cannot keep back the walls of stone, cannot -will not- erase the memories of his wife).

Snow White watches the Huntsman ride out at dawn.

Waves break against the rocks, and she practically hears them sigh- _light has returned_. The darkness is over. Light had one. _She_ had won.

(Sometimes winning doesn't feel like a victory)

* * *

They call her Queen but she still sees her father's Kingdom.

They follow her, but she still feels shackles around her ankles.

* * *

She used to watch William climb to the very top of trees. She would grip the bark and say, _careful, _but he never looked down – never stopped climbing. Their eyes would meet when he reached the top but he never offered her his hand. She can't quite remember why she needed him to offer.

_I used to follow you everywhere._

That's not how she remembers it and she had years to relive memories of her childhood.

"You'll make our kingdom prosper," William says with a smile that warms her chest.

Snow wonders what it would have been like to watch William grow up. Watch the boy become a warrior; watch the warrior become Prince. Would she have found a place by his side or would she be kept in the background (cages don't always have locks).

He reaches for her hand under a cherry blossom tree but she pulls hers away.

There is still a kingdom to save.

(There is still a Huntsman prowling the forest)

* * *

Nothing about the castle has changed, not really.

Snow walks down hallways when everyone else is sleeping. Raveena's tapestries have long been taken down, her portraits burned. All that remains are the stones that make up the castle, stones that Snow White's family put in place years and years ago. She tries to envision the life she could have had here. Sometimes, she catches glimpses of a little girl running towards her mother, or sharing a strawberry with her father under a doorway lined with flowers.

The visions fade as soon as they come.

Ravenna never understood exactly what she took from Snow White.

No, nothing has really changed- except for her. Snow was broken and remade. With her hand, she brought death –brought defeat to the Evil Queen and ended the suffering in her kingdom. She feels herself cutting the string that binds her to her past – she feels her fire growing.

(The truth about Snow White: She ran into the dark forest and _lived._

She is not easily broken)

_You can't have my heart._

* * *

The road stretches out before her, paved and rough and twisting. She thinks about trolls – _If I had, you'd be dead__- _and villages created upon water. She thinks about creatures she has only read about in stories and nights spent under the stars.

The Duke touches her shoulder, pulling her away from mountains and rivers and caves darker than the night. He clears his throat and resumes talking about trade agreements and preparations for the coming harvest – after all, Winter is only a few months away (_has it been that long already?_).

"I miss him," she whispers.

"What was that?" The Duke asks, but she doesn't repeat herself (least of all to him).

She manages a smile. "I'll arrange a trade convoy tomorrow."

Snow White thinks about unspoken requests, _show me the world_.

* * *

When she was ten, Snow dreamed about William. She saw his smile in the darkness and pleaded, _come for me_.

William never came.

Young girls did come. Beautiful girls with eyes full of fear. _What will they do to me? _She can still hear every voice, remember every face. Snow never had the courage to tell them the truth. _I'm sorry; I can't help you_ she said, with hands clenched around black bars.

When she was thirteen, Snow stopped dreaming.

* * *

William waits for her in the garden, thumb trailing along the length of a rose. It will be dead soon- should have wilted and fallen along with the others. He looks from the flower to Snow and she doesn't want to hear the comparison he is making in his head. Doesn't want to hear anything at all. He stands, and Snow can't see the boy she once knew.

"You used to drag me here," he says, with a voice that's not quite there.

She finds herself smiling, but it hurts. "That was years ago."

If she tries hard enough, she can almost forget the years of solitude. Pretend that she had a life, and grew to love William the way her father thought she would. Somewhere along the line, Snow White learned that growing up meant letting go of childhood fantasies.

"Did you think of me?" he asks. "When you were in the tower?" He tugs at the edge of his tunic and she wonders if his fingers are rough like the Huntsman's.

"I did," she says. Snow doesn't have the heart to tell him anything more.

He doesn't reach for her, has learned that it's up to her. That won't stop him from trying. "I'll make it up to you," he says firmly. "I'll take away everything that's happened, I promise."

She almost wants to scream because William is loyal and trustworthy and _here_. So many years and he still cares for her, he's still ready to protect her from a threat that is no longer there. She knows it should be enough (knows this is how it should be) but she can't bring herself to take a step closer, can't tell him what he wants to hear (_I love you, too_). And dear patient William says he understands, says that he is willing to wait.

And maybe he can take everything away but Snow White is starting to realise that it's not what she wants.

* * *

Snow White sneaks out the castle gates some nights, leaving her footprints in the snow. Her breath hangs in the winter air and her hunting knife pushes against her thigh. Snow takes it out but there is no real danger here, not anymore. Still, she steps, blocks with her dominant arm, stabs with her left. She has vowed never to use it again, but keeps these movements – keeps the knife- as a reminder of everything that has been lost.

One day, she will put the knife away. Lock it under her bed and let the memories fade. Not today. It reminds her too much of him, and she's not ready to put that memory away.

* * *

William watches her, his eyes scanning the window, the door.

"It's over, William," she says, trying to control the shudder that runs through her body. "We defeated Raveena. You don't have to protect me anymore."

She doesn't tell him about the nightmares of men coming and taking her away. Dark men made of glass and cold. She can hear her father yelling in the night; she watches her castle crumble to the ground; she sees her fire blown out by ageless lips.

_We won, _she thinks, and takes a deep breathe.

_We won_, she thinks, but not everyone is here to share in the victory.

_We won_, she thinks, like things are magically supposed to be better, easer, simpler now.

William shakes his head and she can practically hear him think – _you really don't get it, do you?_ He looks her in his eyes and she can see his frustration. "I let them take you once," he says slowly, "it won't happen again."

_You didn't come for me_, she thinks_,_ and it changes everything.

* * *

The kingdom prospers under her rule. With spring comes grass and flowers and trees. She hears laughter floating through the window and it calms her restless spirit. Maybe this isn't what she wants for herself but her people are happy and that has to count for something.

The Duke tells Snow White that her father would be proud and she knows that it's true. Still, she can still feel the edge of his ax against her neck. Maybe she was naive asking the Huntsan for his help, but the Huntsman beckoned her closer with every (reminder that he was broken) half-hearted dismissal.

Maybe she is a fool for still waiting.

* * *

Snow White tries to count the stars. She loses track, begins again, loses count and doesn't care. It's beautiful and she breathes in the peace and the calm. Seven months and maybe, just maybe, she's starting to settle in. She spends less time dreaming of the forest and more time focusing on her people. She dances with William at festivals and laughs with the dwarves as they sip their ales. Still, there is something missing, but she suspects there always will be.

She hears the click of a door and watches William approach. There is something new in his eyes- a realization, an offering, a surrender. For a long time, neither speak and Snow remembers sharing a different kind of silence on the same balcony. William clears his throat, he won't meet her eyes. "He'll come back," He says with a thickness. "He will be a fool not to."

Snow feels a sudden pang in the center of her chest. With a single sentence, William unraveled the resolve she had been building. Snow feels herself crumbling and she doesn't have the strength to keep the tears at bay. She could have had a life with William and doesn't know if it was Raveena or herself who stopped everything from falling into place so perfectly.

She wishes her mother were here to braid flowers into Snow White's hair and help her figure out what she is mourning.

_I could have a family again_, Snow thinks, but not with William. The truth is, running into the forest severed her connection with her best friend.

Still, William stays with her until she's calm.

* * *

The Huntsman returns in the fall.

He found her a broken man in both body and mind and returns to her with a certain clarity in his eyes. Snow doesn't know where he has been, just sees his skin tanned from the sun and the stubble growing on his beard. Questions form on her tongue but she keeps it still. There will be time for that now that the Huntsman- her Huntsman – has returned.

She leads him towards the stables and he follows her with an easy stride.

"Ride with me," she says.

There is no hesitation when he reaches for the reigns.

William (watches the gates close) waits patiently for her to return. Bars made out of gold are still a cage. He finally understands.

* * *

A/N: Alphabeticalorder dragged me to see Snow White. I'll openly admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be – I'll even go as far as saying that I liked it! Since I need a break from writing Sherlock stories, she convinced me to write a story for Snow White and the Huntsman- this is what happened.

It's a bit more experimental that my other stuff, but it's a style I want to write in more.

Cheers!


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